A Messy Relationship

Jesse Birkey's picture

I had a weekend that you might call interesting.  I’d call it interesting in a lot of good ways.  An interesting that I’d like to see become even more and more my “normal”.


My wife and daughter went out of town on a girls weekend leaving my son and I at home.  So we were sitting there trying to figure out what to do on a Friday night when the thought occurred to me that we could go out and pray for some strangers.  So I asked my 9-year-old son if he wanted to do that.  He said, “No.”


I said, “Alright what do you want to do?”  He said, “Go to Marshalls to look for a loom kit.”  So I told him that would be fine but before we go lets listen to God to see if He would want us to pray for anyone.  So we listened and felt like God was telling us to just be aware of the people around us where we went. 


He was reluctant but agreed.  We ended up ministering to about 5 or so people in Marshalls and the Dollar store.  My son heard God’s voice for them and saw a couple of visions.  It was pretty amazing.  We were blessed just as much as those we ministered too.  Me even more as I saw my son walking in the power of the Holy Spirit.  I interviewed him afterwards and you can see that 3-minute video here: 




The next morning I received a message that a family was requesting prayer for their loved one to be raised from the dead.  So I spent some time with God listening for direction and felt released to go pray.  But what was I going to do with my son?  Well I decided to give him the option of going with me.  I fully expected a, “no thanks” but he said yes with no hesitation.  I looked at him a little cock-eyed and asked him if he was sure.  He said, “Yeah.  I’m not going to pass out or anything.”  Alrighty, good to know.


So we went and on the way asked him if he was nervous.  He said that he was a little bit.  I told him that it’s okay and I was a little nervous too.  So we arrived and prayed for almost two hours.  I was blown away at the boldness and authority as my son not only prayed but also laid on hands and commanded life.  A couple of times I just stood back and listened to him go.  It was pretty awesome.  But the person did not get up which was not awesome and brings me to the point of this post.


Intimate relationship with God is beyond awesome.  I don’t think any of you would deny that.  But sometimes the associated emotions don’t feel so great.  It’s easy to feel really good and close to God when ministering with Him seeing hearts touched and bodies healed (Friday night).  It’s harder when hearts don’t seem to be touched, bodies aren’t healed and the dead aren’t raised (Saturday).


I want you to know that it’s okay to ask questions.  It’s okay to ask why.  And here’s where it gets messy.  Because though we may have heard different reasons and continue to flesh out what we feel is correct, many times there isn’t a definite answer.  But I feel like it’s important for us to know that it’s okay to move beyond the pat answer of, “Well He’s God and there are some things we just can’t understand” and really wrestle with Him for answers.  To let things get a little messy because when you do it from a place of covenant (what we are supposed to have with Him) nothing relationally is at risk.    


I think the type of intimacy God wants with us is one in which wrestling is encouraged.  Jacob wrestled with God and got his blessing.  He also got a new name, Israel, which means “One who wrestles with God.”  I don’t think God have him that name in a negative context but as a sign for what intimacy with Him can be.  What it’s allowed to be.  I think God wants us to know and understand Him.  That’s what intimacy is isn’t it?


Bring your doubts, bring your questions, bring your emotions and enter into intimacy with Him.  Contend with Him for answers.  You have permission.  He’s given you permission.


So although I will not let my relationship with Him rise and fall on whether or not I feel like ministry (in all it’s forms) was successful or not (because most of the time it’s so much bigger than a person getting healed or touched), I will continue to wrestle with Him and contend for answers and refining on what I feel I understand already. 




Jesse and Kara Birkey


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Sid Roth on Life Resurrected


“This next, greatest, and perhaps last move of God’s Spirit before His return will use nobodies to operate in a level of miracles that the world has never seen! This book will supernaturally release your faith to do the same works as Jesus and even greater.” -Sid Roth,Host, It’s Supernatural!



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We are excited to announce a new teaching series called, Life Resurrected, The Normal Christian Life.  It’s a 4 CD set.  Check it out at http://www.reflectministry.com/store.html


View the Trailer for our new book, Life Resurrected, Extraordinary Miracles through Ordinary People Here!


To find information on an exciting new documentary called DeadRaiser go to www.deadraiser.com



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