Peg has just released a book describing how the Lord has healed her of sexual abuse. The tools used include inner healing as Peg sees the Lord, hears His voice, and responds to His leading. Following is a heart-warming story which is part of her newly released book, which we link to at the end of this blog. Peg has applied the prayer approaches in Prayers That Heal the Heart, 4 Keys to Hearing God's Voice and Hear God Through Your Dreams to find restoration for her soul. Feel her passion.
The LORD is Close to the Brokenhearted
by Peg Yarbrough Rhone
Psalm 34:18: The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
My name is Peg, and my spirit was crushed.
Like every baby, I came into this world as a package of pure innocence, relinquishing the safety of my mother’s womb for a shocking and hostile environment called Life. And like every child, the universal cry of my little heart was, “Love ME! Care about me. Keep me safe.” But that was not to be.
Sexual abuse is rampant, both in the USA and around the world. It is the most underreported crime on the books. Many victims can’t speak for themselves, they are mere children. Others never live long enough to tell their story. Still others are simply not believed. No matter how you slice it, sexual abuse ‘kills’ parts of the soul, and deadens it to the good things in life.
I know this feeling first hand because there was a pedophile living in our family home, and my own ‘soul murder’ began when I was around three and went on for years. At a very tender age I was already damaged goods. Sexual abuse stole my innocence, destroyed my trust in others, and killed any sense of ever feeling safe, even in my own home. I was constantly nervous and afraid.
Psychologically, childhood sexual abuse follows us right into adulthood, long after the acts have ceased. It opens a Pandora’s box to a plethora of lie based thinking: shame, guilt, low-self esteem, anger, bitterness, and many other life negating emotions. For decades I woke up feeling dirty, damaged, and confused, until I learned about a more excellent way called Inner Healing. And my loving Lord took me out of the pit, and restored my crushed spirit.
The following is one of many inner healing sessions I have experienced over the years, sometimes with another counselor present, others with just me and my Lord, working with me through dreams and visions.
A healing dream
One morning I dreamt I was a Russian child prostitute, and I wanted out, but couldn’t leave because it was my JOB!
I rode in a shed built on to the back of a bus, where all the fumes went. I hated what I did, hated the stench. I wondered how I stayed sane while doing this.
I could hear a sinister voice in my dream saying, “Margaret Anne, get up! Margaret, are you asleep?” And then felt my abuser taking me away. I saw my young self forced to have sex with an older man, one whom I would see in my day to day life, and had to act like nothing had happened.
In the dream I felt rage, shame, confinement, and like a whore, a thing to be used.
Jesus reveals the message of the dream
When I woke up I was in a cold sweat, the dream was very vivid, and I asked the Lord to interpret it. I instinctively knew he allowed this vile dream to occur because I was ready for healing in this particular area.
Jesus showed me that I was on a bus because I wasn’t driving, someone else was controlling my life. I was Russian because when I told adults what was happening they acted like they didn’t understand me, like I was speaking a foreign language -- and they did nothing. I was in the back of the bus because most of my abuse took place in the back seat of a car, and there I mentally choked on noxious fumes, because that was how my life ‘smelled’ to me then, dirty and smothering. So it was easy to sense why I felt rage, shame, confinement, and like a little whore.
Jesus showed me demons of: shame, whore, and used up (feeling like all of me was taken against my will and used by another for sex). I felt totally violated, and lived with feelings of fear, revulsion, and shame. (What a way for a child to feel!)
Jesus speaks ministering inner healing and deliverance
I asked the Lord to show me the lie implanted in my heart all those years ago, and he did, “You are only on this earth for others' sick gratification, to be used by them. You will always be worthless and alone.”
And Jesus showed me this truth, Things are to be used, people are to be loved!
Then Jesus introduced me to a scared little girl, peeking around from behind his garments, and he said, “Peg, this is Little Margaret Anne (that’s my actual birth name). She is the part of you who took on the brunt of your abuse so that you could remain sane.”
That answered the question in my dream when I wondered how I stayed sane through all of this. Little Margaret Anne was an alternate personality.
I was a shocked, but felt an overwhelming sense of love and thankfulness. I watched the Lord ever so gently take Little Margaret Anne into the safety of his arms and say to that child, “Thank you, Margaret Anne, for taking the abuse, thank you for keeping your secrets. You may let them go now.”
She cried a little, but tentatively came over to me and I embraced her and said, “I am so, so sorry, thank you, thank you, thank you for being there for me.”
I asked the Lord, “What do you want to say to us?” He replied:
I was there when all this happened, close to your side. Nothing tears me up like the abuse of children, your abuse. And right now I take away the pain and shame you suffered at the hands of a possessed old man, and in its place I give you newness of life, a clean slate, freshness in your body and mind. I take little Margaret Anne into my arms, and love her, and love her, and love her. I hold her safely, and tenderly, and let her cry it out. I am healing her so she can rejoin you.
I cried out, Lord I want to FEEL what a childhood was supposed to feel like without sexual abuse. I want to FEEL what innocence feels like. I want to FEEL what walking into your own home and feeling safe feels like. I’ve never had any of those feelings before!
And he bowled me over with love, he touched my solar plexus and said:
I bestow on you, and restore unto you, your INNOCENCE lost.
I restore your body, and inward parts that were damaged.
I restore your self esteem
I restore your stolen honor.
I restore your sense of trust, and safety.
I felt like I glowed from the inside out. I wept softly.
I then asked him to forgive me of any hidden judgements I held against God for letting this happen to me. I prayed “Lord, please forgive me and help me release any judgements I have held against you, who are all good. It was my abuser using his own free will, who hurt me; it was NOT YOUR will!"
And the Lord forgave me, and I prayed this prayer:
Lord, through your grace, I forgive myself, for not being big and strong enough to resist a grown man. (Many victims feel this way, like it was our fault.)
I forgive and release any judgments I have held against myself all these years for not being bigger and stronger as a child.
I forgive and release the grownup who did this to me, and turn him over to you.
With your help, I let go of the hate I have harbored toward him for my whole life. I thank you Lord for pulling the roots of hate and bitterness out of my heart. I command hatred and rage to go, in Jesus' name.
Lord purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean, wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. He said,
Little Margaret Anne and Peg, I am here right now loving you and healing you. I can’t change your past, but I can TOTALLY deliver you from the effects of the past: in your mind, in your body, and in your heart. I have torn down a strong hold that was blocking your spirit from more intimacy with me. Hence the dream I gave you this morning, I knew you were ready to be restored in this area.
Jesus ministers deliverance
Then the Lord showed me a whole series of demons that were assigned to me so many years ago: including shame (that was the biggie) fear, rage, self-revulsion, confinement, and pain.They were cast out and he filled the old waste places with his truth: newly clothed in his honor and righteousness, his peace, liberty in Christ, spiritual victory, trust in God, and I felt clean, clean, clean by the blood of the Lamb. I felt like a child dressed in her Easter Sunday best, literally glowing with healthy self esteem
Then the three of us were suddenly in a boat, floating on a beautiful mountain spring-fed lake: Jesus, Little Margaret Anne and me. It was a spectacular, sunny day. Jesus rowed us to the shore and we all got out onto the sandy soil. It felt wonderful and warm.
Jesus said: First, I take Little Margaret Anne, and I baptize her in the clear sparking cool and refreshing waters.
He said, Margaret Anne, how do you feel now?
She responded, “Clean and happy and free” as she smiled radiantly.
Now Peg, take my hand as we walk out into the waters, and I baptize you, and cleanse you from all the unrighteousness perpetrated on you.
And there came a voice from heaven saying, "These are my beloved girls in whom I am well pleased.”
At that point we are all sobbing for joy, even Jesus, with a sense of relief and freedom, and Light! The water sort of passed through my body made me feel clean, pure, and white as snow. And Little Margaret Anne felt clean too. We are happy and close. I invite Little Margaret Anne to come home to me, and she gladly does. We integrate. I sensed this is a first for her, since she is the part of me that held all the pain and abuse all these years, and again I felt overwhelmed gratitude, and clean, and happy, and whole.
I saw this verse very clearly in my mind, it looked like sky writing:
Num. 19:18,19 And a clean person (Jesus) shall take hyssop, and dip it in the water, and sprinkle it ...upon the persons that were there, and upon him that touched a bone, or one slain, or one dead, or a grave… he shall purify himself, and wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and shall be clean…
That was me now -- clean clear through! Thank you, Jesus!
I prayed, "Lord Jesus, thank you for being my living water, thank you for cleansing and restoring my soul, thank you for being here today, and hearing me. Thank you for giving Little Margaret Anne her healing, and allowing us to integrate. Thank you for being there for us back in the day, closer than we ever dreamed. Thank you for bringing us to this time of cleansing water, and soul restoration. Thank you for being my Lord and Savior.
Lord, what the devil tried to kill, you raised from the dead today -- my very soul!
You have given me newness of life."
And I felt joy unspeakable when he said:
Peg, one day, at the marriage supper of the Lamb, our agape love will be fully consummated! That’s the only consummation that matters. I shall change your mortal body like unto my glorious body, and we shall be one forever and ever.
I exclaimed, “Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come. Thank you for letting me taste your good word, and the power (holiness) of the world to come.” Amen.
The Lord IS close to the brokenhearted. And to all of you out there who know exactly how abuse feels, this same Lord is closer than your very breath, ready to heal and restore. No matter your plight, the Lord is ready to give you newness of life.
Psalm 34:18: The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
That’s his promise, and he always keeps his word.
For the rest of Peg’s story her new book is available on Amazon
I Saw the Light... But HE Saw Me First Peg Yarbrough Rhone's story of healing from abuse. You will find great strength and healing as you read this. Peg has found the gift in the pain, as she is now a Christian counselor with four decades of experience in healing ministry. Here is Peg's website.
Peg also does phone counseling. Email Peg at [email protected] for more information.
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