Question: How do I handle my sexuality? It is such an intense, persistent and driving force. I battle with pornography. How do I tame this monster within me? I see so many people and even Christian leaders fall, and I don't want to fall. I want this to work! I feel trapped and no-one is preaching a sermon on how to handle this. So I grit my teeth, try my hardest, and fail over and over again, and then get consumed with shame. Can you help me? Have you found any answers that work?
Answer: The Bible talks about these temptations when it warns against getting involved with the harlot. “Keep your way far from her and do not go near the door of her house,” for sexual sin will bring destruction to your life (Proverbs 5 - 7). Sex is such a powerful force that we are told to “flee” from lust (2 Tim. 2:22). Don’t stand and battle: GET AWAY! You're right, we all too frequently hear the news of ministers failing because of sexual impropriety. What a shame; satan is picking off our leaders one by one. It is time to make a clear commitment not to go near the door of the harlot.
But what if the harlot brings her door right into our homes, through our TVs and our computers as R- and X-rated programs, movies and websites that offer themselves to us daily? Now the door is SO close, and the temptation is so powerful! How can we possibly close these doors? Below, we are going to show how these doors can be closed and how you can ensure a strong, fulfilling, intimate marriage.
Close 4 Doors Which Lead to the Harlot's House
- Computer: I have chosen to use Net Nanny on my computer. It blocks all sexual sites, and my wife has set the password to help protect me, our marriage and our ministry.
- Television: We use ClearPlay as our only DVD player, so any movies we watch automatically have all sexual scenes and profanity removed.
- Movies: We also have a household rule that we will not go to an R- or X-rated movie. Why would we want to defile our hearts and minds with immorality, impurity or profanity?
- Lust: Another huge door that needs to be shut is lust in your mind. A woman once told me that she fantasized about the sexual lives of other couples. Whoa! I was so shocked I did not even have a response to that. I was saddened but not surprised when her marriage ended shortly thereafter and she quickly moved on to another man. Talk about a misuse of the eyes of your heart!
I won the battle with lust the year I focused on learning to abide in Christ. That included seeing Him at my right hand (Acts 2:25; Ps. 16:8) all the time. At the end of the year, the Lord pointed out to me in my two-way journaling that the darkness of lust had evaporated, not by attacking it, but by bringing in the light of His presence. Awesome! So I established a new rule in my life: no more frontal attacks on sin. Instead I will bring in the light of Christ’s presence by fixing my eyes upon Him, and darkness will flee as a byproduct!
Cultivate Marital Bliss
The other side of the sexual equation is celebrating the joy of physical love within the marriage. Again, satan will do everything possible to block this wonderful gift so that marriage partners are tempted to look elsewhere for fulfillment. Everything from unhealed sexual emotional traumas to ungodly beliefs about the beauty of sex to physical complications can become reasons or excuses to defraud our mates of the only safe and legitimate fulfillment of their sexual needs.
The list is endless, and if both spouses are not passionate about working through all these blocks so that sexual intimacy is wonderful and pleasant and frequent within their marriage, then that marriage is vulnerable to attack, because satan will plant the thought, “I could be fulfilled elsewhere” (I Cor. 7:1-5). Get counseling, read books, work hard and insure that your marriage is experiencing the marital bliss described in the Song of Solomon. Do not settle for anything less. The wise one asks for and receives counsel (Prov. 11:14).
So let’s close all doors to the house of the harlot and keep far away from her. Let’s pursue the joy of sexual intimacy in our marriages as described in the Song of Solomon. Yes, it will take some work, but it is worth it. Let’s purpose in our hearts that by the grace of God satan will not pull us down through sexual immorality. We will walk pure and clean before our Lord.
Accept God’s forgiveness if you fail. Repent, receive cleansing by His blood, put on His robe of righteousness and recommit that by the power of the Holy Spirit, you will walk in purity and truth.
Create Two Powerful Pictures Which Impassion You
Pictures touch the heart and stimulate our emotions. Emotions move us to action. Create a passion for purity by mentally painting, journaling out and holding two very clear pictures in your heart:
One picture is all the ways sex outside of marriage will destroy your life, family, ministry, finances and health. Gather ideas by reading Proverbs 5 through 7. Pray, “Lord, show me clearly all the ways lust/pornography and adultery will bring destruction into my life.” Tune to Holy Spirit flow and vision as you write. When thoroughly formed, this picture should give you a sense of revulsion concerning sexual impurity, thus moving you to righteous action.
The second picture you should create is of the joy of marital bliss. Gather ideas by rereading Song of Solomon. Pray, “Lord, clearly show me the blessing it will bring into my life if I continue in the righteousness of pure sexual love. Show me what marital love is to look like.” Tune to Holy Spirit flow and vision as you write. When thoroughly revealed, this picture will draw you into joyful sexual intimacy with your spouse.
New eBook on Sexual Wholeness
The eBook How to Deal Effectively with Your Sexuality includes 30 pages of two-way journaling where God is speaking concerning how to handle one's sexuality, as well as exploring in more depth each of the ideas introduced in this blog. Purchase it today and make sexuality the blessing God has designed it to be. This book includes 30 pages of two-way journaling where God is speaking concerning how to handle one's sexuality, as well as exploring in more depth each of the ideas introduced in this blog. Click here to purchase.