Final Paper from an Indonesian Student

Healing Sexuality

for the course COU301 Prayers That Heal the Heart

(reprinted with permission) 

How interesting this course has been to me personally. When I began reading Prayers That Heal the Heart I knew that there are issues in my life that need to be dealt with. Initially it seemed the issues were too many and I wondered how long it would take me to get through all these issues. But as I began taking one issue at a time and prayed through the seven prayers as the Spirit led, I began to feel lighter and lighter in my soul. I feel these burdens were lifted off and I feel hopeful that as I face another challenges ahead I would know how to deal with them rather than feeling despair.

One of the issues that I struggled with was lustful thought. I had been struggling with these thoughts for as long as I could remember. I couldnt tell anyone because it was too shameful to even admit it to myself. I tried casting the demons out myself. I repented of my sins and vowed never to do it again. I would memorize Scripture verses in order to replace those thoughts from my mind. However, it just seemed all these efforts were only for temporary victory. Then I would fall for temptation and be consumed in guilt.

When I read through your book and all other books, part of me felt it probably wont work but I was desperate to be rid of this problem once and for all and I cried out to the Lord to help me. So the journey began.

I asked myself when did I first have this problem and the Lord began to bring some people into my mind. I remembered watching pornography movies with my uncle and cousins when I was a child. I also remembered some of my uncles were behaving strangely but I was too young to understand. I remembered when I was too young to go to school and I was left with a baby-sitter who was a very strange lady. It was only when I looked back that I realized the negative influence they were in my life. They were involved in some sexual activities and many times I was left alone with them. I dont think they sexually abused me but I realized being in their company exposed me to many unhealthy things.

I learnt how to swim when I was 21. I was learning to swim with a group of young adults. Nothing unusual about it all until one day I had a cramp on my leg. My swimming instructor came to help me in the water but he touched me where no man should touch me. When it happened, I was in shock and I didnt think anything like this would happen to me. Then it happened a second time and a third time. After the third time, I stopped going back. I didnt know what happened to me. Was it an accident that he touched me? I couldnt sleep for months because each time I closed my eyes I could see him and I could feel him touching me and I just couldnt take it. I became very bitter. I couldnt tell anyone.

I wanted someone to help me but I didnt know whom to turn to. I hated God for allowing this to happen to me. How could He? Eventually I told my best friend, my sister because I needed help. I couldnt even tell her what happened, I could only weep. I told her through the phone because I couldnt tell her face-to-face. I was too ashamed. She was shocked like I was but when she finally pulled herself together, she told me to forgive the man. I nearly slapped her on the face for even daring to suggest such a thing!

I felt even worse. I thought to myself, God allowed this to happen and now I am expected to forgive the man because Im a Christian! Well it took me months to forgive the man. I did eventually because I was at the end of the rope. I knew the only way is to forgive. And I did! I didnt know that I had forgiven the man until one day I met him. When I saw him, there was no feeling of anger or shame just compassion.

And that was years ago. But I asked the question why did I attract such a negative energy? Then I met a man and I fell in love with him. We didnt have sex but neither was it right for both of us to behave in the manner we did. We broke up and went our separate ways. I prayed and ungodly soul-ties were cut between us. The Lord healed my emotions but I was still struggling with lustful thoughts.

My pastor told me that I was normal to have lustful thoughts. But if it is normal then why do I feel so guilty after entertaining those thoughts? A prophet told me there was sexual misconduct in my ancestral line from my fathers side. I didnt know what to do with that piece of information.

As I read your book, I realized that many efforts failed because I didnt understand the tearing down of the demons house and many were of my own fleshly efforts. I had also rationalized that it was normal for a single person to have those thoughts. Thus I began to ask the Lord to show me and guide me in the healing process. First I recognized where the entry points were, naming my relatives who were involved, forgiving them, releasing them, cutting all soul-ties and replacing negative pictures with divine vision.

During the self-deliverance session, as I commanded the demon to come out along with other clusters of demons, I sensed a manifestation. I wasnt sure if they had left. I asked the Lord to show me in my dream that night. During the night, I had a dream. In my dream I was in Africa and there were so many animals. I saw a deer, a giraffe, a rhino and many other animals. All the animals were piling up on top of one another. It was a strange sight to see! The rhino was underneath all the other animals and it was hiding. I looked up and I saw a hunter. He had come for the rhino and the rhino knew it. The rhino was trying to hide from it. The hunter began to throw off one animal after another to reach the rhino. As the hunter came close, the rhino knew it was close to being exposed, jumped out and was ready to make a dash but the hunter was quick. He took his gun and shot the rhino!

In my dream, I recognized the hunter as the Lord Jesus Christ and the animals were my emotions. Some were strong emotions and some were good emotions. But I recognized the rhino was what Jesus came for. I also heard a voice, and the voice said, The rhino was a male. Of course the rhino is a male! What a strange thing to say. I realized the Lord was confirming the word from the prophet. It was a patriarch spirit! Through the dream, the Lord assured me of my deliverance. Hallelujah!

Ever since, I have the assurance that the demon is out and by the power of the Holy Spirit, He will keep him out. And that was more than 2 weeks ago and I havent struggled with any of those thoughts. Praise God.

Recently, in a conversation with my youngest sister who is also single, I found out that she was struggling with the same issue. She was grip with guilt but didnt know what to do. The church leader told her that it was a normal thing to go through and yet she was not convinced that it was true. I began to explain to her the sins of our ancestors and the curses that we inherited. She was relieved to know that there is hope and she could be free. We prayed together and we went through the seven prayers that heal the heart.

NEW TRUTH BIBLE MEDITATION

New Truth Bible Meditation Concerning Lust.

I have wondered many times how could lust be good outside marriage? Why then was I told that it was normal and fine to have lustful thoughts? If it is perfectly fine then why do I feel guilty after entertaining such thoughts? The word lust according to Strongs #1939: A strong desire and intense craving for something. Three times it applies to good desires (Luke 22:15; Phil 1:23; 1 Thess. 2:17). Its other uses are negative, such as gratifying sensual cravings, desiring the forbidden, longing for the evil, coveting what belongs to someone else, and striving for things, persons, or experiences contrary to the will of God.

In Colossians 3:5 the Scriptures say To put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire and covetousness, which is idolatry. Again in the book of Second Timothy 2:22, Paul said to Timothy to flee youthful lusts but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

Philippians 4:8 says to dwell on whatever things that are true, noble, pure, lovely, things of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy meditate on these things. Again in 2 Corinthians 10:5 I am to bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.

Ive meditated these words before but why didnt they work for me then? As I started reading through this course, I realized that in order to overcome this problem, I needed to recognize the source of the problem, the entry point. I was dealing with the manifestation of the problem and not tearing down the house of satan.

To toy with the thought and think that no consequences would come my way is a lie. The Bible talks about when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death (James 1:15). I have justified so many times that lust isnt a sin but when it is compared to the Word of God, it is clearly stated that lust is a sin.

It was difficult for me to receive hands-on ministry here because having moved back to my home town, I do not know anyone whom I can trust with this personal issue, particularly dealing with issue that is as sensitive as this. I knew I had a problem because the Holy Spirit had convicted me many times but I just didnt know how to deal with it. Praise God! He provides a way. I know that He initiated the move and He took me by the hand and took me one step at a time in order to overcome this sin.

MEMORIAL STONE CELEBRATION CONCERNING LUSTFUL THOUGHTS

I am convinced that lustful thoughts are wrong and that when I come under temptation, it is by the power of the Holy Spirit that I overcome. I shall flee youthful lust, resist the devil in Jesus name and put on the Armour of God all the time. I believe that I am an over-comer, and I am no longer a slave for satan. In 1 Cor. 7:9 the Scripture says it is better to marry than to burn so I purpose by the Holy Spirit to wait for the one that He has chosen and until then I am to align my thought patterns and my emotions according to the written word of God.

My journal:

Lord Im sorry for believing in that lie for so long. I have grieved Your heart and I am sorry.

CAROL, MY CHILD, I HAVE BROUGHT YOU BACK. I HAVE COME AFTER YOU BECAUSE I LOVE SO MUCH AND I DESIRE THAT YOU OVERCOME RATHER THAN TO LIVE IN GUILT. I HAVE BROUGHT YOU TO THIS PLACE. I KNOW YOUR DESIRE TO HAVE A COMPANION, A MAN WHOM YOU WANT TO LOVE. AND YOU ARE WAITING UPON ME. I DO NOT DELAY CAROL. I AM BRINGING THINGS TO PASS. BUT MY TIMING IS DIFFERENT FROM YOURS. BOTH OF YOU ARE GROWING IN ME AND I AM MOULDING YOU TWO. YOUR ROAD WILL CROSS BECAUSE I AM MAPPED OUT THE PLACE THAT YOU WILL MEET. I AM THE GREATEST MATCHMAKER. YOU HAVE DONE WELL IN SEEKING MY FACE FOR THE MAN THAT I WILL GIVE YOU. WHEN YOU SEE HIM, YOU WILL KNOW THAT BOTH YOUR GIFTS COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER. I AM TRAINING YOU UP TO USE MY GIFTS. YOU WILL NOT HIDE AWAY. HE IS NOT YOUR EXCUSE TO HIDE AWAY. HE WILL BUILD YOU UP AND I HAVE BUILT YOU UP. HE WILL BE YOUR COVERING THAT I HAVE PREPARED FOR YOU. REST IN ME.

17 May 2002

I have a plastic orchid flower tied to a purple ribbon sitting on my computer table. It reminds me that my strong desire must be in the proper place. I must not dwell or entertain lustful thought but resist the temptation.

The fences, which God has instructed me to build to keep myself from temptation in this area, are:

  1. Be careful with what I see. Avoid TV with sexual content.
  2. When temptation comes, I am to focus on things that are lovely, pure, noble and things of good report.
  3. Avoid meaningless imagination.

I declare my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has set me completely free from the stronghold of lustful thinking.

Date: 17 May 2002 **************

You can experience exactly what Carol has experienced, and receive complete freedom by the power of God. The following books will guide you step-by-step through the process: Prayers That Heal the Heart and Counseled by God.

These books, as well as several others, are also part of two distance learning college courses from Christian leadership University: COU301 Prayers That Heal the Heart and COU202 Counseled by God. Committing to this level of discipleship will allow you to fully integrate these principles at the level that is described in the testimony above.