Lord, Where Does This Agitation in My Heart Come From?

Mark Virkler's picture

The journaling below is from Chaekyoung Jacquelyn Ban, a Doctoral student in Christian Leadership University and a Korean minister living in North Carolina. Her two-way journaling has been translated from Korean.


Precious daughter, I haven’t burdened you with anything. Just because you see the problems, it doesn’t mean you have to solve them or you are responsible for them. I gave you My discernment and the ‘agitation’ means ‘the absence of the peace’ in your heart so you don’t have to be involved in their problems. Yes, it is hard because you want to help people. However, that doesn’t mean you can help everybody. Follow the peace. Follow the peace in the relationship with people. You are not responsible for anyone. I am their Shepherd. When you try to make it happen when there is no peace, ‘agitation’ will follow. What you call ‘agitation’ is simply the absence of peace. 

Eventually, I want you to approach all people with love and gentleness. I will heal you and lead you to the point where you can do that but for now follow your peace and I will lead your relationships with people so that you love everybody. I will lead you with My peace to protect you because all kinds of people will come to you. If there is agitation or negative impression, don’t go there when you hear My voice saying ‘NO’. 


You will feel agitated when people depend on you and not on Me. Learn to point them to Me and do not carry their burden. I will let you know when people try to control you. You believe that is a problem with your emotions and personality. However, there are people you have to guard your heart from even if they are close to you. If you try to make those relationships happen, you will mess up everything. 

Admit your weakness. Therein is My strength. I am your Provider not the people. They don’t bring you finance, promotion, or open doors for your ministry. I bring you finance. I promote you. I am the Door. All of these are My grace so you can’t pay it back to Me. You can’t pay My grace back with your serving people. Just go where My love leads you. You will find My grace there and you will see the fruit of your service.

My daughter, I love you. I poured out everything to save you and I was happy to do that and I wanted to do that. I never did anything for you because I had to. I gave everything to you because I wanted to with all of My heart, with all of My zeal.

I gave you My discernment but you thought that was judgment towards people. While you are growing in My love, your discernment will shine for you, for the Kingdom and for My body.

I gave you the keys of Kingdom when you were very young. You are a woman of dignity, who has received My keys! Your eyes behold only Me, you have received My love and cultivated purity. You’ve received My mercy and developed beauty. And now, you are still beholding only Me. 

My daughter, people will continually come to you. If you trust the discernment I gave you, you can treat them with love and kindness but will not tumble over those who you have to guard your heart from. Follow My peace. Don’t condemn yourself. Just discern between the peace and the absence of the peace.


Thank You, Lord Jesus.


I love you, My daughter.