A Catholic's
Testimony of Being
Changed by Communion With God
(anonymous)
One night as I searched the internet for
'creative writing' courses, I stumbled across something profoundly much more
intriguing... Christian Leadership University...and my life hasn't been the same
since! I had always yearned to attend a Bible College of some sort (since the
seminary wouldn't allow women into their hallowed halls) but as a strictly
trained Roman Catholic I was frightened of the thumping I would be subjected to
( of those fundamentalist Bible-thumpers )! I was taught the Catholic way was
the Way of Jesus and all others were wayward
rebels and would have a hard time getting into heaven since they were so
deluded! When I think of the self-righteous and arrogant attitude I was reared
in, I cringe...no wonder I struggle with judgementalism!
When I found you Mark, the only reason I took
courage and followed through with my studies is that you promised on your
website that differences of opinion were respected. Thank-you Jesus!
I started into studying 'Communion With God'
with some trepidation, but as I progressed through the book I found that I could
trust you and what I especially liked was that you are so teachable...the least
I could do is have the same open attitude. My spiritual counselor is a Catholic
who also teaches a women's group in a Baptist church, so she was invaluable to
me in making a smooth adjustment to your style of teaching. What I wasn't aware
of and discovered with your sharings was that both of our childhood churches are
so full of fear. This is the father of the legalism, judgementalism,
narrow-mindedness, Pharisee-ism and other destructive forces that our hurting
our churches and our world so badly. I am glad to be healed of my fearful
attitude! I was also interested in the chapter on Pharisee-ism and found it
helpful in finding how I still think in rigid, fearful ways. I can't change my
attitude if I won't look at it, and the test that is included in that chapter
helped me to weed out hidden prejudices. This was the first change that I
made...I slowly but surely let go of my fear and began to focus on our
similarities and Christ in each of us. God put you in my life to teach me so I
decided to learn.
And learn I did! I have learned to hear God's
voice! I have journaled on and off for many years now and it has been a real
blessing in my life. I love to write to begin with and it was the only sure way
I could contact my inner self, her feelings and needs etc. For most of my life I
had ignored myself and been codependent with others...my focus had always been
outside of myself...I relate to your wife Patti. So, journaling helped me to go
within and contact self. Alleluia! I was alive! I let go of journaling for a
long time and I wondered why since I do love to write. I then began to
experience a yearning to keep a journal of my prayers to God and I did actually
start a little book of prayers. Now I realize what God was saying...he wanted
two-way communication. I would never have imagined that that was possible and
until you gave me permission to try this Mark, I would have considered it
blasphemous and way too wickedly bold of me! Instead I am blossoming into God's
beautiful rose because I am allowing his water and light to fall on me. I am
letting my Maker nurture me and it is wonderful indeed! Instead of being
codependent on others, I realize the healthy thing to do is depend on my Lord
totally...then I can learn what love really is, experience it and share it with
others.
I
am falling in love with him more and more each day...as I realize just how
gentle, encouraging, sweet, tender his love really is. For the first time in my
life I am
understanding what the saints meant when they wanted to be with their Lord all
the time...like Saint Therese of Lisieux comes to mind. She talked so
passionately of Jesus and really I could never quite understand it...until now.
Now I am getting a glimpse as to why she felt so much passion and I know that I
am on the same road of mystical discovery. Up until now I have hated
meditation...I felt like a dog being pulled by the leash into the bathtub. I had
to talk myself into it EVERY time! This was mostly because I was so bored and
had a hard time tuning into God during my meditation times...it was an exercise
to be endured...then I learned about right and left brain functions which I knew
about before, but I had never tied it in to my prayer life. I have begun using
music to help me make the transition to the right side of my brain, which in
turn leads me almost immediately to my intuitive self and then the natural next
step is God.
When you talked about vision, my first thought
was...well, that's fine for other people, but not for me. As I progressed
through the course and you wouldn't let it go, but kept 'harping' about vision I
became irritated and fearful. But, as I thought about
it I realized I already use vision in small ways and I am definitely a
dreamer. God has given me many powerful dreams that have helped me through my
journey...and since this course I received my most vivid dream, movie-like,
complete with poetry, (digital) colour and music. WOW! ( I would love to get
your input as to its meaning ). I began to be open to vision, realizing that if
God was already giving me this gift he probably would appreciate it if I allowed
him to expand it in me.
Actually today I received
my first vision as you teach it, as a part of prayer time. I saw Jesus'
face very clear today and I began to weep, I asked myself why was I crying? And
I realized I was just so moved by his presence. It is just as you say, Mark, God
uses vision to crystallize truths in our hearts...so the vision of Jesus made
the reality of his presence in the room with me crystal clear. I no longer had
to hope he was there...he was , as a matter of fact, with me and available to me
for as long as I needed him . The lovely thing about Jesus, he has no pressing
engagements to rush off to, he is totally present and available. And he did, he
stayed...I was afraid he would run off...disappear like a ghost does. As long as
I looked at him he was there and we had a lovely time together in a garden. In
this beautiful garden, he said " this is what your heart looks like...this
is the beauty of your inner sanctuary". Oh, I was so moved and so happy and
I felt so ministered to. He also gave me a healing!
When I listened to one of your tapes there was
a man who was freed from a 'spirit of pornography' and I was so happy to hear
about this, because I had had the same problem of visualizing Jesus naked (
perhaps this was the real reason I shied away from visions). When I was a young
girl my uncle abused me sexually and he hit on me just as I reached puberty...my
body exploding in different ways. I reacted by reading and looking at alot of
pornographic material as well as stuff he exposed me to. I didn't think anything
of that part of it until recently when I realized I was still very much
affected. Jesus freed me of that bondage today when he appeared to me and he
showed himself as a Spirit so I had no problem letting go of his flesh. I asked
him if he wanted me to follow-up with anyone to complete it...lay hands or
something to exorcise the wicked spirit, but he said it wasn't necessary, that
he had taken care of it. And I didn't have any problems and I did feel something
spiritually lift from me and a peaceful feeling when this happened...so I am so
blessed! I feel so much closer to Jesus after today! And I feel motivated to run
to him! Any time I want! I am busting free!
I have pondered over the last few months who
my counselors would be. At first I didn't want my husband because he wasn't
submitted to anyone...he was standing alone. Now, however he is submitted to
some good people whose goals are in line with God's, so I have asked him to be
my covering. My therapist who also happens to be the Christian lady I mentioned
above is an obvious choice for me, her daughter is my mentor, and another good
woman God put in front of both me and my husband recently. She actually counseled
us both through a separation in our marriage...a do or die situation. I have
seen the long, mighty arm of Yahweh move in my life over the past few months and
save that which should have died to natural laws. He is
a supernatural God moving about in my natural life! Having his way with me as I
learn to submit and surrender myself to him and to the counselors he has placed
in my life. When I decided to leave my husband I was studying this course and
you had mentioned Abraham's sacrifice of Isaac which God cancelled at the last
minute...what you said really spoke to me and gave me courage. It turned out to
be exactly what I needed to hear because it was exactly my experience! I
experienced what God called Abraham to do...let go of the very thing I was
holding on to so tightly and when I had truly let go of it God restored it to
me. In the past I never trusted God with my relationships, much less surrender
them to him. When I let
go of my husband I found that what I had actually released was fear of
rejection, not the love in my heart!
To experience these truths for myself has been really scary, yet
effective in imprinting on my heart how I can trust God with everything...even
my marriage.
God is showing me how he has always been in my
life, I just never realized it. God is always talking to me...I just never knew
it was him. He has been using me and guiding me, but I never really paid much
attention. I wasn't looking at the reality of God's presence in my life...I had
always done things on my own and I didn't need anybody's help, thank-you very
much. I didn't trust easily and God? Well, his invisibility always bothered me,
but he is showing me how he was
present even when I thought he had abandoned me for good. In the most painful
times of my life, which was in childhood, I now see he protected me from too much
harm. He helped me to survive and now he is teaching me to thrive. Communion
with God is a great way to thrive!
As I focus more and more on completing this
course I am spending more hours in each day working on the assignments etc. and
I feel a greater peace in each day. I know I am spending my hours exactly as he
wants me to and the fruit of this behaviour is a content, peaceful, satisfied
heart. My restlessness is gone, the anxiety I used to live with on a daily basis
when I fretted what I was supposed to be doing with myself and keeping busy
trying to do the right thing to please God. My people-pleasing tendencies are
greatly diminishing as I focus on finding out what pleases my Lord...and it is
not busyness. Jesus is directing me to be like Mary in the Martha and Mary
story. Sit with him with a quiet spirit, look at him and listen intently to his
every word...as I would with a cherished lover...and write it down so that I
will remember and obey his word. It is entering into fellowship with my Creator
God...imagine that! The natural next step for me is to take prayer time in the
morning and ask him what he would have me do for the day...I really like that. I
cannot go wrong with the Holy Spirit in charge of my life!
I am getting so comfortable with the Holy
Spirit and also re-igniting my passion for 'tongues'. You have really helped me
with that, Mark, with your story about how it was hard for you to trust that it
really was God uttering his language through you...I, too, have never really
trusted and thought for sure I was just babbling. I abandoned this gift for many
years, but because of this course that God has given you to teach, I have
returned to it, gaining in trust and overcoming my doubts of the past. As I
speak in tongues, I have been paying attention and I see that I do not form the
words with my mind...so I can stop worrying and start trusting in the goodness
of God. I do not believe my heavenly Father would allow me to babble on
foolishly...that is not his way at all. My heart is pure and I want to be close
to him...he will lead me down every good and virtuous path teaching me through
his Holy Spirit many wonderful mysteries and fundamental truths. The Spirit does
help me to express what I cannot express in english and I am grateful for every
wonderful gift from my God.
Over the past few months have made many
life-producing changes that God has asked me to make. I have stopped blaming
others, I have forgiven my mother, I have stopped beating myself up, I have
established healthy boundaries...and because of these changes I am living in a
higher place than ever before. I am enjoying a life I once only dreamed about
and I see that I really am
a powerful channel of God! As I am freed from old ways of behaving
and thinking, God flows his life through me like never before and of course this
makes me ecstatically happy! I am so
happy to be on the right side of the fence...my behind was getting sore on that
old fence!
I have a desire to minister and teach people in some form I am not sure
of yet, but I will find out as God leads me. I am on the right road with
Christian Leadership University and Communion with God... I am
learning to walk with confidence letting God unfold my purpose before me
as I travel and trust in his guidance. I always wondered how to increase my
faith...it's so simple with the six pillars acknowledged and integrated into my
life. Even as I write my heart is leaping with joy...I am so happy and GRATEFUL
to be nestled much closer to my Father's heart than ever before and enjoying his
favour. Just a closer walk with thee, my Lord...thank-you for hearing my plea!
Praise Be!
You can experience exactly what the author of
this testimony has experienced, and live out of the voice of God every day.
The following books will teach you step-by-step how to have communion with
God: How to Hear God's Voice
and Dialogue with
God.These books, as well as the accompanying CDs and Seminar
Workbook, are also part of the foundational distance
learning college course from Christian leadership University: REN103
Communion With God. Committing to this level of discipleship will allow
you to fully integrate these principles at the level that is described in the
testimony above.
